


Should I Stay Or Should I Go

by JaegerBombs



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - 00's, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Middle School, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-01
Updated: 2014-09-09
Packaged: 2018-01-07 01:45:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 23,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1114050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaegerBombs/pseuds/JaegerBombs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren and Levi had a relationship that could be described as complicated at best. It was a relationship filled with trial and tribulation, with passion and understanding, with highs and lows and confusion and heartache. But no matter what happened or what forces tore them apart they somehow always found their way back to each other.</p><p>A Middle school/High school AU taking place in the 2000's.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I was listening to some music and I was overwhelmed with nostalgia and I thought.. Hey, I want to write some Ereri during a time period when I was a teen myself dealing with high school life and things I once thought were hard and complicated. So here we are. 
> 
> This will probably be filled with a boatload of angst and a little bit of fluff and eventual smut because I'm a pervert and have no self-restraint. Rating it M for now, not sure what I'll go through with by the end.  
> Probably a little OOC as well because, well, it's and AU, and as far as Levi goes, it's hard to say what he was like as a kid since we have little to nothing to go off of. He'll get more in-character as we go (I hope).
> 
> Eren and Levi are the main pairing, but as it's a story that takes the course of many years, there are some side ships. These won't get the bulk of the focus, but they are there. Expect small hints of Armin/Mikasa, Farlan/Isabel, Levi/Petra, Levi/Erwin and Eren/Jean at various points in the story.
> 
> In the beginning here Eren is 11 and Levi is 12 and the year is 2001. This is probably going to end up being a behemoth of a story as it will take place over several years of their lives. So buckle up, keep your hands and feet inside the roller coaster at all times, and enjoy the ride.

Love is such a strange thing. Everyone wants to feel it, to get lost in it, to read and write about it and watch it unfold in movies. But most importantly, people want to be _in love_ , as if it's the end-all be-all to wholeness and happiness. And for many people, it is.

Some love stories are simple. Two people meet, their relationship buds and they fall slowly – or quickly – and it lasts. They get married, settle down, start a family. I think that this is the type of love story most people hope to experience. Sometimes people fall in love and fall out of love. Sometimes people really weren't in love to begin with. Many people like to fantasize about cute summer romances or tell tales of confessing their feelings under the mistletoe during the winter holidays. Some people fall unexpectedly with their best friend, some people fall for that kid sitting across the classroom but they never get the nerve to tell them and they eventually move on to something else, and some people never fall in love at all.

Our story isn't really any of these. It was complicated. I spent a lot of time being confused and he spent a lot of time trying to figure out what he wanted and it was a mess. But I'm not sure we would have done anything differently. 

* * *

  ** _Eren_**

****

I was eleven the first time I saw him. But let's back up, I want to save the big moment for later. And trust me, it's pretty anti-climactic so don't expect to hear anything about being swept off my feet.

Being eleven meant that I was going to be transferring to middle school. A very scary prospect when all you know is the simplicity of elementary school; staying in the same classroom with the same teacher and having very basic and simple assignments. Moving to middle school meant having eight different teachers, eight different classrooms to sit in with eight different groups of people. It meant having to figure out more names and faces of all the kids who went to different schools before. It meant more homework and higher expectations.

And let's not forget the fact that all of us are in the beginnings of puberty and that's always a mortifying experience. My voice was cracking a lot and I'd start sprouting erections at the most inconvenient times and let's not even get into all the wet dreams I started to have while dreaming about other boys.

Yeah, I was gay. I still am, obviously, but I didn't go through that “in the closet” stage that many other people felt they had to do. My parents were very understanding and they had educated me well before they started educating us in school. My father is a doctor and my mother chose to stay at home. Both very progressive people. Both very understanding and supportive. I never felt the need to hide anything like my sexuality from them and I was very, very lucky for that.

 _He_ didn't have it so easy, but we'll get into that later.

My mom encouraged me to get into music. She chose to start me in piano lessons when I was six years old and when the time came for me to have the option to join band or orchestra, I decided that drums sounded pretty fun. I started on that when I was in fifth grade. The band teacher preferred some prior experience in percussion so it was perfect for me. I started on the snare drum, and for the most part stayed on the snare drum.

Okay, so we have a good foundation to go from with that, right? Good, let's move on.

The first day of middle school came and I admit that I was a little nervous. I'd spent a good chunk of the morning trying to figure out what outfit I should wear and checking over everything I was going to bring with me. I had no idea what to expect.

“Eren, sweetie, breakfast is ready!” My mom called from downstairs. Her voice has always been so warm and inviting. Sure, we got into our spats once and a while but I don't think I could ask for a better mother. The nice thing about having a stay-at-home mother was that she had all the time in the world to make sure that I had what I need. Not that I would be upset if she didn't make breakfast every morning, but it was nice to know that I'd have a full meal to start my day with instead of shoving a pop-tart in my mouth before heading out of the house. Some mornings were more extravagant than others. She'd go all out with pancakes and sausage and biscuits. Other days it'd just be a simple bowl of cereal and some toast. But we always ate breakfast together in the morning and I always cherished that time.

I finished gathering my things and threw them into my backpack before heading downstairs to see what she'd whipped up. I was pleasantly welcomed with the smell of waffle batter cooking and maple syrup that had just been heated up in the microwave. She'd already prepared a plate for me and what really topped off the meal were the cheesy scrambled eggs she made. They were to die for.

The back door creaked open and I looked over my shoulder to see my best friend walking into the house. His name is Armin. A little blond boy with a bob-cut and brilliant blue eyes. We'd met in kindergarten and hit it off right away and for the most part he's the only real friend that I've ever had. His parents both had a busy schedule and had to be gone for work well before school hours started so he would walk over to our house every morning and could catch a ride with my mom and I. He was part of our family as far as my parents were concerned and our door was always open for him.

“Good morning, Armin!” My mother smiled at him. “Want some breakfast?”

"Sure, I'm starving!” Armin replied enthusiastically. You know what I was saying earlier, about being happy I didn't have to shove a pop-tart in my mouth in the morning? Armin was that kid. He had to fend for himself in the mornings because his parents were already gone. Sure, he could have cooked if he wanted to but honestly what eleven year-old feels like cooking?

My mother made a plate for him while he plopped into the seat next to me at the table.

“So, you boys excited for your first day of school?”

“I'm worried I'm going to get lost.” I admitted. And it was a legitimate worry. I looked down to the schedule they'd printed for me at registration and next to the classes I would be taking there were three digit numbers which indicated what hall each class would be in. Most of them were right next door to each other but the elective classes seemed to be off in another planet entirely.

Armin and I compared schedules. I figured we wouldn't share many classes because, being the brainiac he is, he would mostly be in advanced classes. We did end up having physical education together as well as home economics, which we'd purposely picked as a mutual elective.

“Don't worry Carla, I'll make sure he doesn't fall into a black hole somewhere.” Armin laughed. He had the worst humor but one couldn't blame him for trying.

“You'll be fine, Eren. If you can't figure out where you're going just ask a teacher.” My mom assured me. It was an obvious solution to a simple worry. I told her I knew that already and continued to snarf down my breakfast.

The drive to school was about a ten minute drive from the house. Armin and I joked around a bit on the way and my mom would give small chuckles and tell us how outrageous we could be sometimes. She wished us good luck and told us to have a good day when she dropped us off in the front of the school. The place was cluttered with other students waiting outside for the okay to go inside the building and find our first period classes. Some of them I recognized from my elementary school but for the most part I didn't recognize anyone.

We waited for about five minutes before a teacher came out and told us the doors were open. It suddenly felt like the place had become a chaotic mess and bodies starting huddling up together to try and get through the two narrow doorways to the building. People were bumping into each other everywhere but there were others who'd made the smart decision to wait on the sideline until the area cleared up just a little bit. I, unfortunately, got caught up in the mess and even ended up being separated from Armin in the process.

I got involuntarily smashed up next to another person and I looked over to him to apologize but before I had a chance to open my mouth he muttered, “Every fucking day I swear to God.” He looked over to acknowledge my presence and added, “Don't worry. People are stupid like this every day the entire year. They never learn.”

(Okay, remember that anti-climactic moment I said I'd bring up later? Well here's your hint: This is it)

Now, I'd never had a real, actual crush on anyone before, and at first I'm not sure that's what this was either but he looked different than other people and it caught me off guard. He was pale and had silky black hair that was parted just off-center and the side with more hair draped over his eye a bit. His haircut, an undercut of all things, was a little odd but it somehow worked on him and his eyelids drooped a bit but not unpleasantly so. He was about the same height as me, maybe an inch or two taller, and looked to be older so I assumed he was a seventh or eighth grader. It didn't take too long before I realized I was staring and apparently he noticed too.

“Is there a problem?” He asked. His tone was harsh and irritable and I'd quickly deduced that he was probably a rude and unpleasant person. I shook my head nervously and looked away from him, hoping that the flow of traffic would improve quickly so I could get away from him. Fortunately, it did.

Finding my homeroom ended up being quite easy since my hall was literally the first section of the building after entering the front doors. My first class, reading, would also double as my homeroom and much to my dismay I'd only recognized two people sitting in the classroom, and neither of them were people I really cared about either way. I looked around the classroom and decided to park a seat next to a girl with long reddish-brown hair who was joking around with a boy who shaved his head who was sitting next to her.

It had taken so long to get inside the building that very shortly after I sat down the bell rang. Our teacher walked into the classroom and closed the door behind her. She looked to be in her thirties, and she sported a pair of glasses. She got in the front of the classroom and started writing her name on the board and for the love of God when I was trying to read it I'd hoped she have some kind of abbreviation for it because there was no way in hell I was going to be able to pronounce it.

She turned to face the class and pushed up her glasses with her two middle fingers. “Good morning,” She smiled. “Welcome to your first day of middle school. My name is Ms. Brzenska. But you guys can call me Miss B for short.” I internally thanked the heavens after she said that. “I'm going to start off by taking attendance but I'd like you all to introduce yourselves as well. So when I call you're name I'd like you to tell us where you went to school before this year and perhaps just a hobby of yours or something you enjoy doing.”

Shit.

She went in alphabetical order and when she called the girl next to me – Sasha Braus was her name – the girl stood up and said, “Yes. I attended Dauper elementary school. I enjoy taking hunting trips with my family and cooking is something that I really enjoy doing with my mom.” She sounded like a family-oriented person. Her voice was pleasant and I'd determined she might be worth trying to befriend.

A few more names were called before she got to me. “Eren Jagger?” She said my name wrong and I cringed. It wasn't uncommon for people to mispronounce my last name. They always enunciated the “J” without realizing that it's a German name and therefor the “J” was meant to be pronounced as a “Y” would be. It got old after a while, but there wasn't much I could do about it.

“It's Jaeger,” I corrected. “I previously attended Shiganshina elementary. I am a pianist at home and started playing the snare drum last year for band. I also enjoy playing video games and watching a good movie.” I felt kind of stupid doing this, and unfortunately I had to endure introducing myself more than once that day.

She called on the boy that Sasha had been talking to and his name was Connie Springer. “I also went to Dauper elementary and I love riding my bike and skateboarding.” He looked like the skater type. I wondered if Sasha was into that as well since they appeared to be good friends.

We got our locker assignments during this period and mine was smack dab in the middle of our hall, which was good. It'd be less of a hassle to visit it between classes. Unfortunately it wasn't anywhere near Armin's since they were assigned based on our homeroom, but it was alright. I managed to meet up with him once the period for home economics started. This was our sixth period class and I was pretty exhausted already from all the new information I was trying to absorb during the day.

Armin seemed to be taking it better than me and was very enthusiastic. “I sat next to this girl named Mikasa in my homeroom. She seems pretty cool. She says she plays the flute so it sounds like you'll get to meet her when you have band.” He was more of a natural friend-maker than I was. Despite that, however, he managed to be a good target for bullying as well. I think some people were jealous that he did so well academically. He's a nerd but that's what makes him who is and he's great. Home economics went smoother than my other classes but probably just because I had Armin there and that settled my nerves.

After home economics was gym. I always enjoyed gym because we played fun games and it was just a nice break from all the books and writing. Armin wasn't as big a fan but I think he was glad we managed to get that class together. He was the type to be picked last and not necessarily because people didn't like him, but he just wasn't as physically adept as others and gym just really wasn't his thing. He was a true bookworm. Unfortunately for me, gym went the same as all the other classes. The teacher took attendance, told us how the class worked (as if that needed an explanation) and gave us locker assignments.

Band was the same routine, but it was different than the rest of my classes because this was a blended class that had people from every grade in the school. It was my opportunity to meet people who are a little older than me. Our teacher was an older looking man with a mustache. His name was Mr. Pixis. He didn't seem half bad and I looked forward to see what he had to offer us. There were plenty of other percussionists and I figured these would be the people I would get closest to over the next few years of my life. By the end of the period I'd figured out who this Mikasa person was that Armin talked about. She was Asian and she had long, black hair and she was undeniably pretty but, of course, not my type.

School ended soon enough. I didn't bother to meet up with Armin because his mom would be picking him up and I figured I'd talk to him on the phone later that night anyway. There was an exit from the building back by the band room and I chose to leave that way. My house was close enough to school that my mom decided I'd be alright walking home so I didn't have to worry about standing outside and waiting for her. “The exercise is good for you!” She insisted.

There was a park across the street from the school and it was on the way home, so I began to walk in that direction. There was a line of trees along the sidewalk that provided some shade, which felt nice in the warm summer heat. Luckily today wasn't a scorcher but the shade still felt nice. I was about halfway down the block and out of nowhere I felt something big hit my head. With a loud “ow” I rubbed my head and looked down to the ground to see a notebook sitting there. I couldn't help but feel a little confused and I looked around to see who might have thrown it.

“You're the kid from this morning right?” The voice came from above me and I wouldn't say that I recognized it but it sounded vaguely familiar. I looked up and sure enough it was the boy I was shoved into this morning sitting on the branch of a tree. I wasn't sure if I was secretly happy to see him or annoyed. He did just chuck a notebook at my head, after all.

“What the heck is wrong with you? Do you always throw notebooks at people walking by?” I responded. “And who are you calling a kid?” I figured he couldn't have been much more than a year older than me.

He grabbed hold of the branch and swung himself off the tree and walked up toward me.

“Sixth grader?”

“Erm.. Yeah.” That question threw me off guard, but I guess I don't know what else I was expecting him to say. I watched as he bent over to pick up his notebook and asked, “What about you?”

“Seventh.” He replied. “Why were you staring at me this morning?”

“What?”

“You heard what I asked. Why were you staring?”

I didn't now what this guy's problem was or why he was still hung up on me looking at him for a moment this morning. I was tempted to walk away and not acknowledge his question because I felt like he was trying to pick a fight and it wasn't how I wanted to end my first day of school. But for some reason I decided to take the bait. “You just look different.”

“Different like how?”

Okay, now he was getting on my nerves. “I don't know. I'm just new and I don't recognize anyone.”

“You had a weird look on your face. Do I look funny to you or something?”

I was done gracing his questions with answers. “Don't you need to go home or something? Because that's all I want to do right now.”

“Yeah, I'm in no rush to go there.” He turned around and started to climb back up the tree. Between grunts while he was pulling himself up he added, “I suggest you don't stare at me like that again.” And when he got himself situated back on his branch he finished his statement, “I don't like it when people stare at me.”

I was tempted to stand there are stare at him out of spite, but instead I shook my head and responded with a short “whatever” before I started walking back in the direction of my house. After that, I'd decided I didn't really want to interact with him again.

Well, the Gods must have hated me because he was sitting in the same tree again the next day. I tried to walk past and hoped that he would just ignore me, or not see me at all. But that didn't happen.

“Band geek?”

I hesitated. I really didn't want to interact with him again and I was sure he was about to pick on me because I was in band, but I answered, “Yeah, I play the drums.”

“That's cool.” I admit, I was thrown off by that response. “You any good?”

“Well, I mean I only started playing last year, so I have a ways to go.”

“So you're shit at it, then.” He sure had a potty mouth for someone who was only in seventh grade.

Every day ended up being like this. Every day he was up in that tree after school and every day he had some kind of smart ass comment to give me. I was considering taking another route home because it was getting very old, very fast.

One day, however, it was different.

“Oi!” He shouted from his normal spot. And as usual, I stopped and looked up to him, waiting to hear what he wanted to ask. It was always questions with him. Where did I go to school before? Why am I playing the drums? What hall did I end up in? I don't understand why he cared.

“You any good at fractions?”

“Huh?”

“Fractions. Math. Are you any good at it?”

A big plus to learning an instrument is that music heavily revolves around math, especially fractions, so this was a subject that I actually did well on in school. Granted, I'd only really learned the basics of fractions last year, but I understood it perfectly.

“Yeah... Why?”

He threw his backpack down from the tree and followed it on the way. “I need help.”

“Can't you ask your parents?”

“No. I don't.. No. Just no.” One thing I'd learned over the last couple weeks of interacting with this kid – and I still didn't know his name yet, by the way – was that he never wanted to go home. I thought maybe he just wanted to sit in that stupid tree every day after school and harass passersby but with that response the thought crossed my mind that maybe his home wasn't really the most welcoming place. But it wasn't my business so I didn't pry.

I let out a heavy sigh and threw my own backpack on the ground. “What do you need help with?”

“Conversion. I don't get it.” Well at least it was an easy problem. I figured it'd take five minutes and I'd be on my merry way.

But it didn't. Oh, no. I was there for at least a good hour because he really, _really_ , didn't get it. And he'd lied. It wasn't just converting fractions. No, it was multiplication and division and, wow, this boy was horrible at math. I was going to be in big trouble for getting home late it took so long to help him through his homework assignment. I'd make sure to pass on the wrath of my mother for that one.

“Can you... Keep helping me with this kind of stuff? Like... after school. Is that okay?” I was actually surprised he asked me this. If it meant putting an end to his random questions and stupid comments then I didn't really have a problem with it, but I'd need to make sure it was okay with my mom.

“Well, if you really think you need the help, sure.” I answered.

He sighed a breath of relief and put his schoolwork back into his backpack. “Thanks. I actually really appreciate it.” I felt my stomach flutter. Maybe it was just because the gratitude was nice, maybe it was because I thought he was kind of pretty. I don't know. But it was a good feeling to hear him say that. “My name is Levi, by the way. What's yours?”

That's right. I guess I'd never told him my name either so I responded, “Eren.”

And right then was the exact moment that I'd signed up for what would be the greatest emotional roller coaster of my life.  


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A typical day in the life of Levi and the stuff that he has to deal with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I decided to take this chapter in Levi's perspective. I think I'll be swapping perspectives with each chapter for the element it will bring to the story telling. That way we get both sides and kind of know what's going on with both of them instead of waiting forever to get backstories and such. 
> 
> I'll make sure to note who's perspective it is at the beginning of each chapter so there's no confusion. ^_^

**_Levi_ **

****

We were poor.

We were _so fucking poor_.

It never bothered me much when I was a little kid. Kids are so simple and so easily entertained. But as I got older I started to notice how bad our situation was and I started to realize the toll it took on my parents.

I remember my mom being so vibrant and full of life when I was a child. She smiled a lot, her light blue eyes were always lit up and she was so playful. She would get down on the floor and crawl around with me and she would play the “tickle monster” game with me and we always laughed so much. I remember her swinging me in circles by the arms out in the backyard of our house and she'd even play kids games like hide and seek and hopscotch with me. She cooked a lot and she knitted – she taught me a couple basics, too – and she always stood so tall.

She wasn't like that anymore. She worked long hours making minimum wage and when she came home she retreated straight to my parents' bedroom and watched the television all night. She rarely left her bed and when she did it was just to use the restroom or heat up a TV dinner. Occasionally I would go in her room and sit and watch TV with her, although whatever she was watching rarely entertained me. I just wanted to spend time with her somehow. I'd hoped that maybe being around her would cheer her up the way it did when I was just a little kid.

There was one night in particular though, and it was during my summer break before I started seventh grade, that broke me. It convinced me there was nothing that I could do to pull her out of this depression she was in and I decided to stop trying.

“Mom, won't you show me how to knit a scarf? You promised you would.” I asked. I know, I know. Guys aren't supposed to knit but I actually enjoyed the little she taught me and it was something that always soothed her before so I wanted to know how to do it too.

“Huh? Not tonight, Levi.” Her response was a mutter and barely audible.

“When are you going to cook dinner again? I really miss your roast beef. It's so-”

“I don't care, Levi.” She cut me off in a tone more stern than before. My heart sank to my stomach at the way she chose to speak to me, but I made one last attempt to try and get her spirits up anyway. I smiled and reached my hands around to either side of her waist and wiggled my fingers, hoping to elicit a laugh from her, but all she did was slap my hands away. “Go away. You're annoying me.”

I was hurt. I really was. But I went ahead and ran my fingers through her soft chestnut hair and brushed her bangs away from her eye and I asked her, “What can I do to make you happy, mom?”

“Just go away” She mumbled. I gave a heavy sigh and got up off of her bed and left the room.

My dad was in the living room laying on the couch and drinking some beer. I was never too fond of him. Not for any real reason other than that he was distant, he was strict and he was demanding and I never really felt that “fatherly love” that most other people seemed to get from their dad. He'd already told me what he expects from me and what he wants me to do with my life. Go to college or join the army, find a girl, settle down, make good money. Normal things that any parent wants for their child. But he was a dick about it.

And then there was the part where I wasn't really sure I liked girls. But I swallowed those thoughts down whenever they started to surface. His social political views were about as far to the right as you can get and no, I wasn't about to deal with the backlash I'd get over something like being gay. At least not then.

I grabbed myself a soda and made my way back into my bedroom. I loved my bedroom, simply because it was _mine_ and I could arrange it and decorate it and clean it the way I wanted to. It was always spotless and I spent a lot of time keeping it clean and organized. It was the one thing in my life that I could control and cleaning always got my mind off of the bad shit. I'd pop in a CD and just start going at it, ignoring the world outside of my room.

I sat down on my bed and turned on my gameboy – the one video game that I had – and played for a couple of hours. My CD had stopped spinning and I got up to change the music to something else and that's when I heard my parents screaming at each other behind the closed door across the hall. They were yelling about finances like they always did. Bills, money, jobs, you know, _that_ stuff. The topic would change from that to my mom “becoming a lazy piece of shit”, as my dad said so eloquently put it, and my mom would tell my dad things like “you don't love me, you've never loved me” to which my dad would respond with his own nasty retort and it would continue for a good thirty minutes or so. This happened at least once a week. _At least_. Why they didn't just sign up for a divorce? I don't know.

Usually when the fights got bad I would leave and go over to my friend Farlan's house. He had a single mom and she was very welcoming. However, she knew that a lot of the time I came over without saying anything to my parents and would only let me stay for a short while before driving me back home.

Spending time with Farlan always got my mind off of the shit storm going on at home. We would play video games and listen to music and just talk and joke around. I'd known him since we were eight and he was like a brother to me. Unfortunately, once school started his mom implemented the usual “no friends on school nights” policy she had in her effort to make sure he finished his school work and that also included when I needed an escape.

Knowing that I wouldn't be able to go to his house after school, and knowing I definitely didn't want to go home, I'd found a tree in the park next to the school with a couple of big branches on it and I decided that I would hang out there after school. Maybe try and get some homework done if I had any, maybe just people watch, maybe take a nap (although I wouldn't recommend doing that in a tree... I almost fell off one time).

On the first day of school this stupid sixth grader with his big green goo-goo eyes and his shitty brown hair and his tan fucking skin ran into me with his cuteness and shit. I was irritable and so that's how I behaved toward him and before I knew it he was gone. But then I caught him walking after school. It was definitely him. And I couldn't help myself. I threw a notebook at him and, two points for the team, I managed to land it right on that stupid head of his.

I told him not to stare at me, because he did that morning and he was pretty and it pissed me off. I hate it when people stare at me like my face is funny to them or something. Sorry I wasn't born handsome like you, please take your ticket and find a seat to watch the freak show standing in my shoes. I learned over the years that the only way to get people to do what you want them to do was to be intimidating. So I let him know. I don't want to be stared at.

He walked that route every day, and I was curious, so I asked him questions. I'd learned he plays the snare drum, which I thought was pretty cool. I wanted to learn the guitar myself, but I knew I'd never be able to afford one so I never mentioned it to anybody. He got put into the hall for the smart kids. The ones who did well in class and always held A's and B's. His elementary school was that weird one with a name I couldn't even begin to try and pronounce.

He appeared to be middle class, judging by his U.S. Polo shirts and khaki shorts and super spiffy white tennis shoes. He probably had a perfect life with parents who love each other. A mom who cooks three meals and day and a dad who gives him father-to-son talks and advice. Maybe a brother or sister too, but maybe not. I never asked him. They probably owned a nice SUV and took camping trips during the summer and went to movies together and just had a perfect fucking life. A life that I wanted and that I wished I could be a part of.

Math was pissing me off. It always did. I never understood a damn thing, and this fraction shit was on another level of confusing. Especially when my teacher was expecting us to turn the fractions into decimals? I have no idea. I hated math and I was never going to need this in real life and I wanted to just chuck my stupid math book at that stupid sixth grader's face when he walked by one day, but instead I reached out to him for help. I had to do well in school or I'd never hear the end of it from my father. But _he_ wouldn't help me, and I didn't want his help. So the sixth grader it was.

He was surprisingly good at showing me what to do. He explained things in a way that I could understand and, granted it took a while for us to finish my assignment because I was a little slow at it, but I actually felt like I was learning and like I might actually be able to figure this stuff out after a while. So I asked him if he'd be willing to help me out some more if I needed it. He said he'd ask his mom and let me know, and I learned that his name is Eren.

“Hey!” I was resting my eyes while sitting on the tree and I heard that voice calling up to me. For once it was him trying to get my attention and not the other way around so it threw me off. I opened my eyes and looked down at him and he said, “My mom is okay with me giving you help but she says that I still need to come home right after school. I was in big trouble last night for being late.”

Of course, that meant I'd need to come over to his house or something. I guess it would be a better place to go than the tree, but I was worried that his mom would insist I go home after some amount of time the way Farlan's mother always did if I ran away to his house.

“So that means I need to come to your house after school?”

“Yeah, she said to make sure your parents are okay with that.”

“They are.” I lied. I wasn't about to ask them. To hell with it, I didn't want to communicate with them at all. Not when they wanted to treat me like a burden. I swung myself off the tree and walked up to him. “So is it okay if I drop by and check the place out then? I don't have any math homework or anything today...”

He looked nervous. His eyes veered off to the side and he let out a loud “um” before saying, “Yeah, I guess that would be alright.”

So with that we walked together to his home. It was about a twenty minute walk and I was right, they were a middle class family with a nice house. It was a two-level white house with brown trim, a big, red front door with a long wooden wrap-around porch and a two-car garage. It was one of those cliché houses you see in teenage romance movies where the windows on the top floor can open and give you access to the roof of the lower section of the house. There also was a tree that had a branch that extended over to that roof and I definitely found a lot of use for that down the road.

“Mom, I'm home!” Eren announced as he walked in the door. I followed him inside while his mother greeted him. The house smelled good, like something was cooking and it made me realize how hungry I was. I rarely ate school lunch because it was so questionable and today's chicken patties just weren't passing the test. I looked into the living room to see her sitting on a Lazy-Boy rocking chair, knitting what looked like a sweater.

“Is this your friend you were talking about last night?” She asked as she smiled at me. She was really a beautiful woman with long, brown hair, the same color as Eren's, and her eyes were a golden color I'd never seen before on a person. I could instantly tell that Eren took after his mother in appearance.

“Yeah, this is Levi.” Eren answered.

“Well it's nice to meet you, Levi.”

“It's nice to meet you too, Mrs...” I'd just realized Eren never told me his last name.

“Please, just call me Carla.” Yep. Eren had a perfect mother and I could tell already. She was so warm and inviting and she had such a positive aura, I couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy toward Eren for it. Why couldn't my mom be the same way? Why did she change so much over the last few years?

“Is it alright if we hang out in my room?” He asked.

“Of course, dear. I'll call you out when dinner is ready. It's meatloaf and mashed potatoes tonight.” Carla replied. “Levi, would you like to have dinner with us? Or will your folks be expecting you back home?”

“Oh, um, I don't want to intrude.” I replied hesitantly. Meatloaf sounded so much better than a TV dinner, but this was my first time even coming into this house and I would have felt kind of weird accepting such a thing.

“You're not intruding.” She gave me an assuring smile. But despite that I still had to decline, and I stated that I would just walk home when they were ready to eat.

We went into Eren's room and he asked if it would be alright if we played a video game. I didn't know what else he had to do so I agreed. He got out a Nintendo 64 and gave me a variety of games to pick from. I saw a Mario party game and decided that sounded fun since it was multiplayer and so we played for about an hour. It was fun even though I got my ass handed to me the entire time. The Playstation was more my forte since that's what Farlan and I played all the time. Games like Spyro the Dragon, Crash Bandicoot and Grand Theft Auto were more familiar territory for me.

We talked, of course, while we were playing. Eren decided it was his turn to be the nosey one. He asked me about what hall I was in at school and what kind of classes I was taking. He asked if I was interested in any sports or other extracurricular activities and at the time I wasn't. He asked if I had any friends. I told him about Farlan and how we've known each other for a few years and that he was my best friend. He asked me about what kind of music I enjoy, what kind of games I like to play, and wanted to know anything else I did for fun. I'd ask him the same things in response and we learned quite a bit about each other during that hour. He wasn't so bad – for a sixth grader, that is.

His mom finally called him down to dinner and I took that as my time to leave. She insisted one more time on me staying but I declined.

“Do you want to hang out again sometime?” Eren asked as he walked me out the door.

“Well, I mean, you agreed to help me with any schoolwork I'm confused with so isn't that basically the same thing?” I replied.

“Er, yeah, I guess.” He didn't sound so sure. I knew he had meant just hanging out the way we did today but I didn't want to commit to being his friend or anything just yet. He _was_ just a sixth grader after all. I was already embarrassed that I was asking him for help.

I decided to go ahead and walk home. When I got there my parents were both in their usual places. I didn't bother to announce that I was home, but instead I dropped my backpack by the door and walked into the kitchen to look for some food. I opened the fridge and all that I could find in there was some milk and condiments and stuff. I checked the freezer and it was empty. I walked to our pantry to see if there was anything in there but alas, nothing. I was starting wish I'd taken up Eren's mom on dinner.

“Dad, we don't have any food.” I said.

“Your mother doesn't get paid until Monday, you're just going to have to survive until then.” His voice was dismissive, uncaring.

My dad wasn't unemployed but he was a contractor and he hadn't been getting much work at the time. This was hurting us more than we'd already been hurting. But instead of trying to find another way to make money he just sat at home drinking beer all day. And it pissed me off that they decided they could afford that but they couldn't afford to get actual food.

“Normal parents actually make sure that their kids are fed, you know.” I said with an intentionally snarky tone in my voice. I wanted him to feel bad, to feel guilty. It was only Friday and I was about to go hungry for three days straight and he didn't even seem to care.

“Don't talk to me like that, Levi.” My dad replied.

I rolled my eyes and started heading toward the front door. As I was making my exit I said, “I'm going over to Farlan's. This is stupid.” And before he could give me a response I slammed the door behind me. Luckily it was still a little warm out but I made a mental note that hoodie weather was approaching while I made my walk over to my best friend's house. Luckily it _was_ Friday so I wouldn't get shooed out, at least not right away.

When I finally got there I walked inside and greeted his mom who was clearing off their dining table. Apparently they just ate.

“Hey,” I said. “Did you guys just have dinner?” I wasn't about to let my pride get in the way. I was hungry and I needed to eat something right now.

“Oh, hey there Levi.” She said, turning in my direction. “We just finished up.”

“I hate to ask, but do you have anything leftover?”

“Um, well just a little bit of scalloped potatoes and green beans. But Farlan snarfed everything else down.” She answered. “Your parents out of food again?”

I nodded. “Yeah, my dad told me to 'just survive' until my mom gets paid on Monday.”

She let out a deep sigh. “Do they know you're over here?”

“Yeah, I told my dad before I left.”

“Well, help yourself to what's left. I can reheat a burger from last night so you get some protein.” She offered. Bless that woman. “Do you need to stay here tonight?”

I was kind of surprised that she offered, but I decided to take her up on that. “If you don't mind, I really don't want to be at home right now.”

“Alright, I'll call your parents and let them know.”

The food was delicious enough. She made very good scalloped potatoes and with some ketchup and mustard the reheated burger was pretty good too. I wasn't normally a fan of leftovers but I also realized I couldn't be too picky. At least it wasn't questionable like school food although after today I'd decided maybe I should be stomaching that garbage too.

“Hey, Levi. What's up?” Farlan had come into the kitchen and sat down next to me while I finished my meal.

“My parents are shit-”

“Levi!” His mother hated it when I cursed.

“And I'm going to stay the night.” I finished my sentence.

“How long have you been here?” He asked.

“Like a half an hour already. What were you doing anyway, jerking off or something?”

“Levi!” His mother snapped at me again. I'm going to be honest, sometimes I would say things just to get a ruse out of her. She was so puritanical. I actually wondered how she tolerated me at times.

“They fighting again?” Farlan asked with a genuine look of concern on his face.

“No. They're just too stupid to realize how to keep the fridge stocked.”

“That sucks, man.” He wasn't the best at giving out consoling words or comfort. I let it slide because I wasn't exactly an eloquent speaker myself, especially when someone seems upset.

I finished my meal and we headed to Farlan's room. He laid back on his bed and I sat beside it, resting my back against the mattress.

“I was talking to someone on the phone before I came out to the kitchen.” Farlan confessed to me. He had this doofy smile on his face and I knew that it had to be a girl.

“Yeah? Got a crush there, lover boy?” He had one every year.

“You know who Isabel Magnolia is, right?”

“Uh, that red-head who always wears the pigtails, right?”

“Don't you think she's hot?” Farlan asked enthusiastically. “She's in my math and history classes and I can't keep my eyes off of her. But some of the things she says, man. I think she's trouble. I like it.”

I chuckled lightly and inquired, “Won't your mom get upset with you if you get involved with 'trouble'?” I made a quoting gesture with my fingers.

“She'd kill me!” Farlan laughed, completely unconcerned. That was my best friend for you. At that age he was always taking risks and making gambles. It'd come to bite him in the ass eventually, though. It bit mine too, actually. But that's a story for another day.

“What about you? Haven't heard much from you lately outside of school.”

“Oh, I've just been trying to keep up on my schoolwork so I don't have to face the wrath of my uncaring but extremely demanding father.” I said that with a hint of disgust in my tone and Farlan caught onto it.

“Sorry,” he started. And he was quick enough to go back to the nature of our previous topic. “You got your eyes on anyone?”

My stomach turned when that stupid sixth grader came to mind immediately. There was no way I had a crush on him. He's a boy. I'm not supposed to like boys. I swallowed the thought down and responded with a simple “no.”

We continued to talk. Mostly about Farlan's little crush. Being the protective friend that I was sometimes, I made a mental note to check her out and make sure she wasn't _too much_ trouble. But my mind kept wandering to that sixth grader. It was distracting and frustrating and it was so hard not to blurt something out to Farlan. I think I finally started to realize that I might be in trouble, myself. I thought to myself that I would just stop talking to him. I didn't need help that badly. But I knew that wasn't true, and that come Monday, I'd be bugging him again from my usual spot on the tree. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have nothing to add. Yay for Farlan and Isabel?? They're cuties and I love them so I want them in my fic.
> 
> Let me know if there are any errors.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi start to spend more time together. Levi starts to see how giving and understanding the Jaeger household can be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to work on my other fanfic instead but.. this ended up being what I worked on instead. Oops. lol 
> 
> I really love Carla. I love her so much. I can't wait to write for her character more as the story progresses.

_**Eren** _

 

Saturdays were my Armin days, or so I liked to call them. He always stayed home during the week to take care of his schoolwork and spend time with his parents. Sunday was always family day because both of his parents were always off guaranteed. So Saturday was our day to hang out.

It was almost noon and I was expecting his parents to drop him off at any minute. I was sitting in the living room with my dad, listening to music and talking. My dad worked long hours and I didn't get to see him as often as I wanted to. It was unusual for him to have a Saturday off and while I wasn't going to cast Armin aside for the day, I still wanted to get some time in with him.

I studied him sometimes. He looked a lot different than he did when I just a little kid. He used to keep his hair just past shoulder length and he would put it back in a low pony tail when he had to go to work. I don't think that the hospital he works at really liked this look on him and he eventually cut it short. I still thought it didn't look right on him but maybe that was just because the long hair was all I knew for a good chunk of my childhood. He's always worn glasses but the style that he wears has changed over time as well, and the new ones didn't suit his face the same way. He looked different but he was still the same guy.

“You kids got anything planned today?” He asked me.

I shrugged. “Probably just the usual. Play some games, listen to some music... It's not like we _can_ do much. We're only eleven.”

“Isn't Armin's birthday coming up soon?”

“Yeah, on the third.” It was about two weeks away. I was actually kind of surprised at how fast the time has gone since school started.

I heard the front door open and I looked up to find Armin come inside. He brought his backpack with him and I assumed that he had brought some of his own games. All I had was a Nintendo 64, but he had a Playstation and a Sega Dreamcast so sometimes he would bring his games over to give us some more variety.

“Hi, Eren! Hey, Grisha!” He greeted with a smile. I waved at him and asked what he had in his backpack today. “Oh, my mom finally bought me Sonic Adventure 2! She said she was going to wait until my birthday but I think I bugged her too much about it.” He chuckled. His mom loved him dearly and gave into his wishes a little too easily from time to time.

“Sweet! Let's go upstairs then.” I replied.

“Hold up, boys.” My dad called as we started to make our way to the stairs. “What do you think about going bowling a little later?”

“That sounds fun!” Armin blurted out before I had the chance to. His eyes were beaming, and I'm sure I was mirroring his expression. Sure, bowling wasn't a big deal but there's nothing like going to the bowling alley and playing a couple games, listening to some music and eating some delicious food. It would make it an out-of-the-ordinary kind of day for us and that was all that mattered.

We made our way upstairs and into my room and Armin got out his Dreamcast and his new Sonic game. I wasn't personally a big Sonic fan but Armin seemed to love the games, so I let him have his fun. He offered to play the multiplayer games but I told him it was alright for him to play the story instead. So I sat and watched him try to figure out his new game, which was a little amusing at times, but he figured out all the mechanics pretty quickly and was flying through the game like no tomorrow. He always picked up on stuff so well. Smarty pants.

A few hours passed and my dad finally asked if we were ready to go. It was a bit chilly outside so I grabbed a jacket and Armin and I headed out to the garage with dad. My dad drove an older car – a green '94 Dodge Intrepid – and he insisted on milking it as long as he could before getting a new car. He was a bit of a penny pincher and at times it annoyed me, but ultimately his financial habits were what kept us in a comfortable position, even when the recession eventually hit us.

The bowling alley was about a twenty minute drive from our house and we had to go through the poorer section of town in order to get there. Not that it ever bothered me, but there were so many worn down houses and the crime rate was a little higher in this area. Sometimes it had me wondering what my life would be like if my dad weren't a doctor and made a lot of money.

There was a kid who looked to be around my age walking on the sidewalk in one of the particularly bad parts of the area. He was only wearing a t-shirt and jeans – which looked oddly familiar to me – and had his hands wrapped around either arm and after a brief moment I realized I recognized him.

“Dad, stop the car for a second.”

“Eren?”

“I know that kid, can you stop the car for a second?”

My dad complied and pulled the car up next to where the kid was walking. I rolled down my window and called out to him.

“Levi?” He stopped walking and turned his attention to me. “Where are you walking to? Do you want a ride?” I didn't bother to ask my dad about that because I figured he'd be willing to. But ultimately it didn't matter.

“Don't worry about it.” Was all Levi said in response before he turned to start walking again. I unbuckled my seat belt and got out of the car as quickly as I could and caught up with him before he could get too far.

“Hey!” I snapped as I grabbed hold of his shoulder. “It's cold out today. You shouldn't be outside without a jacket or something.”

“What, are you my mother?” Levi's reply was cold and flat.

“Why are you even in this part of town? Where are you going?” I asked, curious. Levi looked away from me and clicked his tongue.

“If you really have to know, I'm walking home from a friend's house. It's not a big deal.” He answered. “It's cold and I want to get home, can you let me go?”

I didn't realize that he lived in this area. But maybe I was wrong, maybe it was just his friend who lived in this area. I didn't want to ask him because I figured that he was probably embarrassed since he didn't want to answer about where he was going in the first place. I took my hand off his shoulder and without giving it much thought I took my jacket off. The cold wouldn't bother me as much since I was wearing a long-sleeved shirt and had a car ride anyway. I handed the jacket over to him and he stared at it.

“What are you doing?”

“Just take it.” I insisted as I shoved the jacket toward his hand. “If you're not going to let us give you a ride, at least wear something warm.” He hesitated another moment and checked the expression on my face before grabbing it and slipping it on. As I've said before, I'm not sure I really had a crush on him, but something about seeing him in my clothing gave me a warm, fuzzy feeling inside. But maybe that was just a normal result of performing an act of kindness.

He looked in the direction of the car and said, “You should probably get going.”

“Oh, right.”

“I'll give this back to you on Monday.”

I admit I kind of spent the rest of the night worrying about him, but I did my best to focus on Armin and my dad and trying to bowl a good game.

Monday came soon enough. I stayed in the band room a little later than normal when I got caught up in a conversation with Mikasa. I was starting to warm up to her quite a bit. Armin really seemed to have taken a liking to her so I tried harder to talk to her over the weeks. She can come off a little brash at times and in a way she reminded me of Levi in that she wore a stoic expression more than was probably normal. But when she smiled it was a big smile and when she laughed it was genuine. It was a faint feeling, but I knew eventually we would probably come to be close friends.

Once her dad came to get her I started on my normal walk home. When I saw Levi in his normal spot I stopped and made a point to call up to him.

“My mom says you should come over for dinner tonight if your parents will let you.” He looked down at me and didn't give a verbal response, but simply raised an eyebrow. “She says you look like you don't eat.”

I noticed his eye twitch when I said that and I'm sure I had annoyed him, but it was true. He was a lot thinner than he probably should be, although I hadn't thought much of it until mom pointed it out. I could have also mentioned I told her I saw him in the poor area of town, but I didn't want to shoot an arrow through his pride too badly. He didn't take much time before jumping off the tree, however, and prompted me to start walking.

“What's for dinner?” He asked.

“Oh, um, I'm not sure yet. But my mom always cooks really good food!” I replied.

“Your mom seems like a really good person.”

“She's wonderful. I couldn't ask for a better mom!” I smiled. I almost wanted to brag about how great she was but I noticed sad, kind of pained look in his eyes. Being the young, naïve child that I was I couldn't help but try and feed my curiosity, so I asked, “What's your mom like?”

“She...” He trailed off. He seemed unsure how to answer and I was about to tell him nevermind, but then he continued. “She used to be real great. We used to play all the time and she knitted for me and took me to the park every day and cooked a nice meal every night. But, she's not like that anymore.”

“I'm sorry.”

“Don't. Let's just drop the subject.” There was a harsh tone in his voice and I knew I had asked him a bad question. The rest of the walk to my house was quiet and I admit, it was an awkward silence. I couldn't help but let my mind wander, thinking about what kind of life Levi must have at home. It was clear he never wanted to be there, and he didn't even bother to ask his parents about coming over, which only told me that his parents let him do whatever he wants. Or maybe they were never home at all. I decided it was best not to ask him, and that maybe I would eventually find out some other way.

Once we finally got to my house and walked in I was overwhelmed with the smell of my mom's cooking, and I heard an audible rumble come from Levi's stomach. I looked at him as he took off his jacket. Well, my jacket, that is.

“Didn't you eat lunch?”

He wrinkled his nose in disgust at the question. “It was fucking hot dogs today.” That was the only response I needed to know that he passed on lunch. It's true some of the food was questionable, and there were always rumors about what the hot dogs were actually made of, but I always ate lunch anyway because I didn't want to be hungry. He must've been a picky eater.

My mom poked her head out of the kitchen. “Levi! It's good to see you again!” She didn't even acknowledge me. Instead, she walked over and grabbed the jacket Levi was wearing and said, “Here, let's put this in the closet. Make yourself at home! I just started prepping dinner so it will be about an hour.”

He looked over to me as though he was waiting for my lead so I walked over to the couch. He followed and plopped down on the opposite end.

“You want to watch some cartoons or something while we wait?” I asked. I was still a little unsure around him because I didn't know what he liked or what he was into. “Or do you have any homework you need help with?”

“Just turn something on.”

We watched TV until dinner was ready and mom called us to the table. It was sloppy joes and homemade fries tonight. Nothing too special, but nothing I was going to complain about either. Whatever barbeque sauce she used, it was absolutely delicious. I could tell Levi was trying his best to be polite and not hoard all of the food, but given that he managed to eat three whole sloppy joes and two helpings of fries, it was all too obvious he was starving.

Mom spent the entire time during dinner asking each of us how our day was, and how our classes went. Levi was obviously a bit thrown off by being asked these things so casually and he didn't say much in response. Once dinner was over she asked him if he wanted to stay over for a little while or if he wanted her to give him a ride home. He didn't seem eager to stay.

“I can walk. It's fine.”

“It's cold out. You shouldn't be walking home.” She insisted.

“I said it's fine.” He mumbled. He seemed determined that he would be walking, and I guessed it was because he didn't want us to know that he was poor and lived in the poor area of town. My mom crossed her arms and I could tell she was getting irritated with him, but ultimately she knew that she held no authority over him.

“Thank you very much for the dinner.” He started to walk out the door and she grabbed the jacket that he was wearing when he came in and ran out after him. I didn't follow, but I could hear her letting him know he forgot it, and I heard him tell her that it was my jacket and he didn't want to take it. But judging from the lack of the article of clothing when she came back inside, my guess is that she managed to get him to wear it.

“He's stubborn.” She commented. “Help me clean up, Eren.”

I obeyed my mom's request and helped her get dinner cleaned up. There was just enough leftover to save for dad when he got home later in the evening and we set it in the fridge so it wouldn't go bad.

Once I was done helping my mom clean up I made my way upstairs to go to my room. I was so ready to wind down with some video games. But when I opened the door there was something – or _someone_ , rather – in there waiting for me. I blinked a couple times before shutting the door behind me.

“How did you-”

“The tree, stupid.” Levi interrupted. He was sitting on my bed, still wearing my jacket, but he'd taken his shoes off.. He laid down on the bed and sprawled out on his stomach, resting his head on my pillow. “Don't tell your mom I'm here. I don't want to go home yet.”

“Why didn't you just-”

“Because I changed my mind.”

I stood there for a moment, still in disbelief, but finally I said, “I don't get you.”

“There's nothing to get. Play your stupid games and let me rest for a bit. I'm full for the first time in _days_ and I just want to sleep.”

“I never said you could-”

“You and I both know you're not about to kick me out so just... do what I said already.”

He sure was bossy, but he was right. I wasn't about to just kick him out or nark him out to my mom. So I did what he said and found myself a game to play. I sat in front of my TV and tried to keep the volume down. I could hear him breathing peacefully behind me and I wondered when he'd wake up. Once nine thirty came around I decided to get up and go to the bathroom and brush my teeth, and when I came back he finally had his eyes opened, although he was still just laying there.

“Um, shouldn't you be leaving or something? It's late.” I asked.

“Let me stay the night. I'm still tired.” He mumbled before closing his eyes again and rubbing his head into my pillow.

“Aren't your parents going to get worried?”

He let out a snort and replied, “They don't care where I'm at.” I couldn't really argue with him on that. He seemed to do whatever he wanted so I'm sure that they didn't care. But he was sleeping on my bed, and I didn't want to get in trouble and I was feeling a little frustrated. He must have noticed my flustered expression because he propped himself up on his elbows and commented, “We can share a bed. I promise I don't have cooties.”

So I changed into my pajamas and we shared the bed.

* * *

 

That night started a chain of events. My mom caught Levi over at the house in the middle of the night when he went to use the bathroom. Naturally, she didn't kick him out but it did raise her concern level. She continued to urge me to bring him over for dinner and she was more than happy to invite him to stay the night, regardless if it was a school night or not. Sometimes he did, sometimes he didn't, and sometimes he declined but snuck in through the window later. 

To be honest, I was kind of surprised at the way my mother was treating him and the situation in general. Part of me thought that maybe she was using him to fill in a gap – She was unable to have anymore children after me due to a medical condition that I couldn't quite name. Basically, she would eventually have to undergo surgery to have her reproductive organs taken out completely – But another part of me just thought she took pity on him.

After some time Levi started to open up to me a little more about his situation. I'd learned that his dad's job wasn't stable, that his mom had become a recluse, and that his dad only seemed to care if he was doing well in school, but otherwise didn't give a rats ass about him. He also told me that they fought a lot. I honestly started to feel bad for him too.

We started to get more comfortable around each other. He teased me a lot and his expression was usually serious, but I learned how to tell when he was joking or not. I still helped him with his homework and he showed slight improvement in understanding his math problems but it was a struggle. We played games together and started having late night talks. He told me he wanted to learn how to play guitar someday and even expressed a thirst to feel what he called “true freedom.” Although he never elaborated on what that meant, exactly.

Christmas was nearing, and I'd also learned that he shared his birthday with the holiday. I shared this information with my mom and she actually went out and bought him a present on top of making him a nice sweater to get him through the rest of the cold season.

“It's a good thing you two are about the same size, so I can just use you for measurements!” She chirped when she started knitting it.

He let us know he wanted to be home for the holiday even though his parents sucked (his words) but he decided to come over for Christmas eve. My mom had bought him a Walkman CD player and headphones. I knew she did it so he'd have a way to drown out his parents fighting when he was home, but also to have a way to listen to music while he walked from place to place, since he always insisted on walking instead of getting a ride.

“This is really great, Carla. Thank you.” He wore a very small smile, but it was a smile nonetheless. He was obviously happy to receive his gifts and he even put the sweater on right away. I knew what mom had bought him for a gift and decided to make my own little side-gift for him. He insisted I didn't give him anything since he couldn't get me anything but I told him I worked hard to make it for him.

He opened up the small present to see a burned CD.

“I made a mixtape for you.” I smiled.

“This isn't a tape.”

“Well, you didn't get a tape player.” I pointed out. “They're just songs that I like and some of them reminded me of you. They usually make me feel better so I thought they'd make you feel better too.”

“You're so lame.” He chuckled. “Thanks.”

I knew we didn't exactly have the same taste in music but I guess a part of me wanted to share more of myself with him. He left shortly after receiving his gifts and my mom and I wished him a merry Christmas and happy birthday.

“He's a good kid. It's a shame we can't keep him.” My mom commented after he was gone. She seemed to have really grown attached to him. I admit I was starting to as well. Not that he'd ever be able to replace Armin or anything, but he seemed to fill in some kind of gap I never realized was there. And honestly, I began to always look forward to the next time I'd get to see him.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually have a playlist laid out for the mixtape Eren gave Levi. 
> 
> I'm totally willing to upload it onto 8tracks if anyone wants to hear it (I might anyway but I'll hold off for now lol).
> 
> Mixtapes are probably going to be a thing with this fic, so just a heads up. Music was the inspiration for it after all, so I'd like to integrate it in somehow. ^_^ I might make a page on my tumblr dedicated to any mixtapes that make their way into the fic. We'll see. 
> 
> ALSO!!! I'm totally open for ideas on how Eren and Levi spend their time together. It's been a while since I was a teenager myself and to be honest, I was kind of a boring teenager. So I'm completely open to ideas!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi reflects on how well the Jaeger family has treated him over the last few months. He’s taken aback by Eren making him a mixtape and wants to return the favor. He finds himself becoming jealous of Eren’s quickly developing friendship with Mikasa, however.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh so I finally got some inspiration to pump something out for this fic again. Surprisingly, this chapter flowed out of my fingers rather smoothly, and I’m pretty happy with it. So, for anyone who was reading this, I’m sorry for such a long wait, but I’ll try to make sure and update it a lot sooner next time.  
> Also, I have added to the pairings tags. Ereri is the endgame but it’s a winding road. So make sure to check that out. I won’t be focusing on their other relationships too much in the fic, but I figure a warning is probably good. They’re common ships. Nothing too surprising. 
> 
> I don't know how to post links on AO3? So if you want to listen to any of the mixtapes that Eren and Levi give to each other, you can go to my tumblr (erens-jaeger-bombs) and just check out the tag fic: should i stay or should i go. They'll be there.

_**Levi** _

 

There was nothing that could have prepared me for the amount of kindness I was given by the Jaeger family.

First there was Eren who, despite my constant pestering, chose to help me out in any way he can. He was a selfless little shit and I admired him a lot because I was a selfish piece of crap. But he didn’t seem to mind. We had a surprising amount in common and yet, we were still very different. Almost like two sides of the same coin. He loved RPG video games and I preferred shooting games. He loved music and so did I. Our tastes differed slightly but there was still a lot of common ground. He was into comedy and action movies. I could agree on the action but I was more of a horror movie person myself. But we still watched movies together and I still laughed at his shitty comedies and he cringed at all the blood and gore in my horror movies. Long story short, we always managed to have a good time.

And then there was Grisha, Eren’s dad. He’s a doctor – a very good one at that – so he wasn’t around a lot due to long hours and a high demand for him. But when he was around he treated me as though I were his own son and gave me advice and cheering up whenever I needed it. He and Carla, Eren’s mom, seemed to have a pretty loving and supportive relationship with each other. They reminded me of hippies, and I think there is a possibility that they were at one point. At first I was jealous of Eren for having parents who were so good for each other, but eventually I dropped the jealousy and appreciated the environment they created for me when I was around.

Carla Jaeger was something special. She really was. She reminded me so much of my own mom when I was just a little kid. She knitted, just like my mom used to, and she cooked, just like my mom used to, and she was so gentle and kind and sweet. If Eren wasn’t around and hanging out with his other friends she would help me with school work if I needed it. She always asked me how my day was, how school was, what I have going on with my own friends. I’d gotten hurt a few times climbing up their tree and she was there to help treat my scrapes and bruises, commenting that I should just come in the front door instead of sneaking up into Eren’s room. But I didn’t always want my presence there known. Sometimes I just wanted to relax in Eren’s room and not let the world know where I was and just enjoy Eren’s scent and the atmosphere he made in there. It was a petty, selfish thing.

It only took a couple months and I didn’t even realize it, but the Jaeger house had become my safe haven, my escape, and essentially, my home.

Now, that’s not to say I was neglecting my friendship with Farlan. Definitely not. We spent every other weekend together and even though his mom still didn’t seem to take to me as well as I wanted her to, she started to soften up about me stopping by once and a while on school nights – but only for a couple hours, then I had to go home. Farlan was quickly getting wrapped up with Isabel Magnolia, and I had decided to take the initiative to try and get to know her too. She wasn’t so bad. Definitely trouble, but not a worrisome amount. She was more of a prankster than anything.

Eren had given me a mixtape, a really crappy one at that, for my birthday. Or for Christmas. Whatever. It had no central theme or general point to it. Just songs that he said he likes, some that he said made him think of me. To be honest, my heart melted a little when I got this gift. The fact that he was thinking about me when I’m not around made my stomach flutter. When I listened to it, most of the songs weren’t bad. Some I hadn’t heard before, others I’ve heard too much. He put Coldplay on there. Fucking Coldplay. I wasn’t a fan. He was. He loved them so much and listened to them so much and it usually put me in a bad mood. His mom was also a fan, which is where I think he picked them up from. But when the track started playing, I listened anyway, even though I’ve already heard the song a hundred times. And then the guy started singing those stupid lyrics.

_Look at the stars._  
 _Look how they shine for you_  
 _And everything you do_

I wanted to believe that he liked me.

I liked him. I liked him a lot. I hated myself for it, because I’m not supposed to like boys. And at that point in time, I had no idea what his preferences are. I just assumed he was straight, like everyone else seemed to be.

I decided I wanted to return the favor and make him a mixtape of my own. Maybe give it to him on his birthday. But I couldn’t decide what kind I should make. I didn’t know if I should make it a random clusterfuck like his, or if I should put a theme to it. _I like you_? _You’re a really awesome friend_? I didn’t know. So it simply ended up just being a clusterfuck too. I tried to stick with songs that I didn’t think he knew. I threw in a song from the Butthole Surfers, another song from Rage Against The Machine… Bands I hadn’t heard him listen to before and assumed he didn’t know.  

I finished his mixtape in early March and I decided to wait until his birthday to give it to him. But he suddenly started spending a lot of time with this Mikasa chick that was in band with him. More than I was comfortable with. He’d bring her over after school, sometimes go over to her house. And she was so chummy with him it made me sick. His friend Armin would hang out with them once and a while as well. They were becoming a little trio and I was on the outside looking in. Armin never hung out on weekdays, so Eren and Mikasa would hang out together and I got stuck either having to be at my parents’ house or spending my evenings with Carla (which wasn’t bad, necessarily). So I got mad. I didn’t give it to him. I just apologized to him for not having a gift. I was poor after all, I had an excuse.

I assumed he liked her.

She definitely seemed to like him.

This went on for a couple of months and I was being a passive-aggressive little shit about it. But a couple weeks before the school year ended I really got set off.

I was waiting for him by the tree I always hung out on after school. Like any other normal day, I sat and waited for him to get his shit together after band and I was ready to go home with him and go about our usual routine. But there she was, clinging to him like she fucking owned him or something. Their arms were interlaced and she was giggling and blushing and Eren looked like he was just having a jolly old time himself, the stupid shithead.

Normally I would jump off the tree branch and get my bag and start walking with him. But not that day. No way. They’d finished laughing about some stupid joke and he looked up to me.

“Hey, Levi, you ready to go home?” He asked, still getting out his laughter from whatever the stupid joke was. I always loved that he knew his home had basically become my home. But, it didn’t work on me today. I just looked forward. I didn’t respond. He wasn’t worth the time of day as far as I was concerned.

“Hey, douchebag, what’s your problem?” He was still snickering a bit. We called each other names all the time. It was an affectionate thing. People didn’t really understand. Any stranger would think we weren’t very fond of each other but it wasn’t like that at all. And even though I knew he was just being his usual self, I wasn’t really feeling like being called a douchebag when I was already pissed the hell off.

“Nothing.” I said, still refusing to make eye contact. “Do I always have to go home with you? Can’t I just fucking sit here and think for a little bit?”

“You’re acting weird today.”

_Really? You think so? That fucking bitch is wrapped around your fucking arm. I’m not having it. I won’t have it._

“Fuck off.” Words I shouldn’t have said, but it’s just what came out.

“Don’t talk to Eren like that.” I cringed when she started speaking. She actually the audacity to try and speak up for Eren. _No way, bitch, I know him a hell of a lot better than you do. He’s my person. Not yours._

“I’ll talk to him however the fuck I want and right now I want to tell him to fuck off.” I finally looked down to them. Mikasa was glaring at me, like she was bracing herself for a fight or something. Too bad she was a girl, I might have taken her glare as a challenge and acted on it.

“Do you always treat Eren like this? Because he doesn’t deserve –“

“Why don’t you two just run along now, go wrestle with each other or flirt or make out or whatever the fuck it is you two do when you’re alone.” I wasn’t going to let her finish what she had to say. I didn’t need to hear it. Of course Eren doesn’t deserve to be spoken to like that but I was pissed off and I didn’t care. It was selfish. _I am selfish_.

“Levi, what’s your problem?” Eren asked. The concern in his voice was genuine. I appreciated that, but it wasn’t going to change my mood. “We’re not –”

“Just go home, Eren.”

He rolled his eyes at me and mouthed the word “whatever”. They turned and started walking in the direction of his house. Mikasa, if it was even possible, wrapped her arm even tighter around Eren’s and I knew she did it just to piss me off some more. It was more apparent she was trying to get under my skin when she turned her head back to me and stuck her tongue out at me. Mocking me.

She was definitely on my shit list now.

I went home to my parents’ house for a bit. I grabbed the cordless phone and took it into my room and dialed Farlan’s number. The stupid asshole was lucky enough that his mom finally let him get a cell phone a couple months back. It was nice not to have to worry about her picking up the phone and hearing her heavily sighing on the other end of the line whenever she heard it was me calling.

 _“What’s up?”_ He asked me as soon as he answered.

“Nothing I just felt like calling.” I mumbled. I wasn’t sure if he understood what I said or not.

 _“Shouldn’t you be at Eren’s? Why are you home?”_ He sounded concerned. He knew what my usual routine was, we were best friends after all. I told him everything.

Well, almost everything.

“He had that _Mikasa_ girl hanging on his arm after school,” I explained. I added some unnecessary emphasis to her name. “I’m not trying to hang out with him and be around that shit. No thanks.”

Farlan chuckled at me. _“You sound like you’re jealous.”_

I blushed. And I knew I was blushing. And if I had been face to face with Farlan at the time, I probably would have started blushing harder at the realization that I was blushing at all.

“I’m not jealous. Why the fuck would I be jealous?” I sounded more defensive than I meant to sound.

_“I don’t know, maybe you have the hots for Mikasa.”_

“No. Definitely not. Never.”

 _“Well maybe you’re gay and you like Eren.”_ He chuckled. It wasn’t meant to be a serious statement but I paused, because really, that _was_ the heart of the issue here.

“No. That’s not it at all.” I said after a few seconds. But Farlan wasn’t stupid. He caught on to my hesitation to deny a truth.

 _“Hey man, I don’t care if you like dudes. You can tell me, you know.”_ He said. I took a couple moments, chewing on my bottom lip and trying to decide if I wanted to confide in him. But after realizing that he could read me like an open book, I let out a sigh.  

“Don’t tell anyone.”

 _“I won’t,”_ He said. _“It’s not my place to say anything.”_ There was a reason why I considered him my best friend. He was loyal and he was trustworthy and just like I’d take a bullet for him, I know he’d do the same for me.

* * *

 

Evening came, and my parents were arguing like they always did, and I wasn’t trying to stick around for it. Regardless if Mikasa was still at Eren’s house, this was my cue to start heading in that direction.

I never told them where I was going and they never asked. I simply grabbed whatever I needed for the night, walked out the door and slammed it hard behind me. I made sure to close that door as hard as I could, because I wanted them to know I was pissed at them. I wanted them to know I was angry. I wanted them to know that I hated them. Fuck them. I could deal with our family being poor, that didn’t really bother me even though it was embarrassing at times. But seriously, fuck them for being shitty parents. Fuck them for yelling at each other all the time and calling each other harmful things. Fuck my mom for chucking dishes across the room and fuck my dad for throwing his fists into the wall. Fuck them for never making sure that I was properly taken care of. Fuck them for not providing me with a comfortable and safe place to come home to. That was supposed to be their job, and they didn’t even care. And if they didn’t want to care about me, I wasn’t going to care about them either. They could eat each other alive and it wouldn’t have bothered me a bit.

I took the thirty minute walk to get to the Jaeger home. Eren’s home. _My home._ I walked in the door and I was greeted by Carla who, as usual for this time in the evening, was sitting in her rocking chair, knitting away. She was making small stocking caps to donate to the hospital Grisha worked at so they could give them to the newborn babies. She was such a selfless and wonderful and absolutely beautiful woman. I admired every little thing about her.

“Welcome home.” She smiled at me. Those two simple words made me feel more at ease than anything else had the entire day. I dropped my bag onto the floor beside the door and took my shoes off. I walked over to the big, leather couch, plopped down and let out a sigh. That couch was probably more comfortable than Eren’s bed and I fell asleep on it a lot.

“Good to be home.” I said, letting a faint smile spread across my lips. I thought about asking if Mikasa was still over but, I wasn’t really ready to see Eren yet anyway, so I figured I would just hang out in the living room with Carla.

“Eren was making it sound like you were having a rough day.” She commented, still working away at that adorable little blue stocking cap.

“Just a little irritated I guess.” I replied.

“The leftovers from dinner are in the fridge if you’re hungry,” She offered. But I wasn’t really interested in eating at the moment.

“No appetite right now.”

“Do you have any homework tonight?”

“Just a small little worksheet for my history class, nothing major.” It was a simple assignment. I’d get it done before bed.

Carla had become like a surrogate mother to me. She actually cared. She wanted me to do well in school, she made sure I was fed, she gave me a safe place to come home to and she never made me feel unwelcome. She always made sure I had lunch money when she took Eren, Armin and I to school in the mornings. I didn’t always eat lunch but at least I knew I didn’t have to go without if I wanted to.

We didn’t speak again for a while. I laid back on the couch and threw my arm over my eyes and just listened to her humming a song while she continued to knit. I had never heard her sing, but if her humming was any indication, she had a deep and beautiful voice. Sometimes I thought about her singing or humming lullabies to Eren when he was a baby. I loved seeing pictures of the two of them when he was a baby. He was perfect. And it was evident by the way she was always looking at him and holding him that she knew this.

As I was lost in thought, I eventually found a few words that I’d been wanting to ask Carla for a while.

“Carla?”

“Yes, dear?”

“Is it alright if I…” I trailed off as a bit of hesitation hit me. But I swallowed down my nerves and finished the question. “Is it okay if I call you ‘ma’?”

I heard the clicking from her needles come to a halt, and I instantly worried that I asked something that was out of line. I’m not sure why I thought I was out of line, because she was always so relaxed, but the silence made me nervous. But I looked over to her, and she was smiling. And if I squinted, I’d say that she had tears welling up in the corners of her eyes.

“Of course,” She started. “You can call me whatever you want, sweetheart.”

I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding and I smiled. “Okay.” It was amazing how easily she could flip my mood.

It wasn’t much longer before I heard Eren clumsily making his way down the stairs. And before he even got all the way into the living room he started asking, “Mom, is Levi here yet?”

I sat up at the question and saw him walking into the room. He was looking at me with an expression I couldn’t quite read. He was probably pissed, but it didn’t seem like he was outright furious. We would probably be getting into a fight when we got up to his room though. And I knew that. I’d have to sit there and justify my anger and my actions and I had to do so without admitting I had any kind of feelings for him. I wasn’t looking forward to it.

He didn’t have to say anything to get me to stand up and follow him back to his room. It went without saying I was going to have to explain myself. I followed him up the stairs and into his room and closed the door behind me.

“Why were you being such a jerk earlier?” He asked as he took a seat on the edge of his bed.

“I don’t like her.” I replied. And I was being completely honest.

“Why? What did Mikasa ever do to you?” He asked. Of course he was going to defend her, the little shit.

“Because I don’t like her hanging off of you like that,” I started. He took a sharp inhale and was about to start talking but I butted in before he could start. “Because you’re spending way more time with her lately than you are with me.” I felt my stomach sink after blurting the words out. I worried that I had said something that would just make it worse.

He gave me a look like he was mentally trying to sort out what he wanted to say. His brows were furrowed and his lips were slightly pursed. He was looking around the room but didn’t look me in the eyes. And he was taking way too long to give me any kind of response so I spoke up again.

“Do you like her? Are you guys going to go out or something?”

“No!” His response was instant, almost defensive. “No, I don’t like her like that at all. And even if I did, Armin likes her way more than I would. I wouldn’t do that to him.”

It was silly, really. He was only twelve and I was only thirteen and I was making such a fuss over something that wouldn’t even matter in a year, probably. If I was being honest with myself, neither of us were old enough to date anyone anyway. There was no point at that age.

I let out a sigh and walked over to his beanbag chair and sunk into it.

“I’m sorry. I just like hanging out with you and I like it just being the two of us,” I said. “And she’s never given me a good vibe. I always feel like she has a problem with me.”

“Well, she likes me, is why.” Eren said. I didn’t understand why that would matter. It’s not like I was a threat. Eren was a boy and I was a boy. And if he liked other boys I certainly didn’t know that. So why would she have the right to know something like that? “I’ve already told her I don’t like her back.”

“I don’t understand why that would make her jealous of me.”

“It’s kind of… complicated.” He said shyly, avoiding eye contact with me once more.

Maybe he really was gay. Maybe he actually did like me.

Maybe I wasn’t ready for this conversation just yet.

“It’s fine, let’s just drop it.” I said. “I need to go get my homework and get it done anyway. It’s getting late.”

“Okay,” Was Eren’s simple response.

I headed back downstairs to grab my bag. Carla wasn’t in the living room anymore, so I assumed she was probably upstairs getting herself ready to call it a night as well.

I still had my mixtape in my bag ready to give to Eren, and I decided that now was as good a time as any. At least maybe it will make him less upset with me. When I got back into his room I reached into the front pocket and pulled it out.

“Here,” I said as I handed it to him. “I was going to give this to you a while ago.” I didn’t really feel like explaining it all to him, so that would have to suffice.

“Oh.” Eren said as he grabbed the disc. “Thank you.”

“It’s got songs I like on it. And a couple that make me think of you.” I worded it a little differently, but it was basically the same thing he told me when I got mine from him. A saw a slight flush of red marking his cheeks and it gave me a good feeling. I was pretty certain then that he liked me.

The rest of the night was quiet. He played a video game and made sure to keep the volume down so I could work on my assignment. Once I was done I changed into my pajamas and headed to the bathroom to brush my teeth before going to bed. We always slept on his bed together, and I always wanted the side that was against the wall, so that’s where I curled up for the night. Eventually he got in and laid down beside me and I smiled. This was what had become normal. And this was just the way I liked it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi tags along with Eren and his mom to their summer beach house. Eren learns something new about Levi and wants to help. Eren confesses to Levi and it doesn't go so well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay first off, for those who do read this, I apologize for the horrendously late update. I really have no excuse other than procrastination and getting sidetracked.
> 
> No playlist with this chapter because there is no mixtape exchange. 
> 
> Um... warning for a small amount of homophobia? Maybe?? I'm not sure if it really even counts?? But just in case.
> 
> Also I apologize that this chapter is a bit shorter than the normal chapter size for this fic. Levi's chapter will elaborate more on what's going through his mind so it'll probably be a long one.

_**Eren** _

 

“Are you serious? You’ve never been to the ocean!?”

The words came out of my mouth in a tone that was a little ruder than I had intended but it couldn’t be stopped.

Our town was about a hundred miles away from the ocean. That’s less than a two hour drive. And Levi had never once seen it. I knew that his family was poor but I figured at the very least they’d had to have taken a trip or two out there. But maybe it’s because my parents had a beach house along the ocean and we went there every summer for a month. I couldn’t imagine letting a summer pass without going.

The school year ended. I had survived my first year in middle school and I only had two down to go before facing the intimidating life of a high school student. Besides Levi, I’d made a few good new friends in Mikasa, Sasha and Connie. Mikasa and I had gotten close very quickly, and she hit it off with Armin pretty well, too. We were starting to become our own little trio.

She had admitted to having a crush on me shortly after Christmas break and as much as I didn’t want to disappoint her, I also didn’t want to lead her on just for the sake of staying in closet.

Remember when I said that my parents were completely accepting of the fact that I was gay? Well, that doesn’t mean they’re the first people I told. It’s just that, when I finally did tell them – and it wasn’t so much an issue of telling, but rather they caught me – they were accepting of it, and life continued as if nothing were different.

Mikasa was the first person that I ever told I was gay. I was comfortable enough with her that I felt I could confide this in her. She was disappointed, of course, but she accepted it, and we continued to build our friendship. Naturally, she was curious about how I was so sure that I was gay. If I liked someone. And it was that moment when I think I finally realized that I had a thing for Levi.

I mean, I had kind of felt like I did for a while, but I wasn’t ready to come to terms with it, or accept it as a truth. But I couldn’t deny that I always looked forward to spending time with him, being woken up at night to him sneaking in my window, the twisty-turning feeling I got in my stomach whenever he sat close to me or brushed my skin when he moved in his sleep at night.

I wasn’t sure how Levi felt about me, but I could tell he was starting to feel jealousy toward Mikasa. She wasn’t really a fan of him either. It caused some friction between the two of them and myself. But I wanted to believe that Levi might like me back. I couldn’t figure out why else he would have jealousy toward me spending more time with Mikasa.

The thought of spending a month away from him didn’t sit well with me. My parents and I always went to our beach house in June, and we stayed there through the fourth of July. It was still close enough to home that my dad could work, but it gave my mom and me a break from the house and get a change of scenery. Most years we would bring Armin with us, but this year his parents had a vacation of their own planned in June. The combination of not having Armin there with me and not being able to see Levi for month bothered me, so I asked him if he’s ever seen the ocean. And that’s when he told me that he hasn’t.

“Not all of us are well off like you, shithead.”

Endearing, as always.

“Do you _want_ to see the ocean?” I asked, brushing off his name-calling.

He shrugged. “You’re mom already talked to me about the beach house a few weeks ago.”

“Oh,” I replied. “Did she invite you?”

“Ma’s madly in love with me. Why wouldn’t she?”

He started calling her “Ma.” I didn’t really understand why at the time and it was hard to adjust to. I didn’t realize how much she meant to him. How much he meant to her. She’d always taken a liking to my friends. I knew Armin held a spot near and dear to her heart. But there was just something about Levi that seemed to strike a different chord for her.

“So does that mean you’re coming!?” I asked excitedly.

“Yeah, I mean my parents were pretty indifferent about it,” he started. “I hate to lose a month with Farlan but going with you guys sounded more appealing than being stuck at home.”

As much time as we spent together, he was still good about making sure he maintained his friendship with Farlan. Sometimes I got jealous because I wanted the attention but I knew that Farlan was as important to him as Armin was to me. And it gave me a chance to hang out with Armin or talk to him on the phone. I didn’t want to neglect our friendship either just because Levi and I had gotten close.

I’m sure I was giving Levi the goofiest smile, but it couldn’t be helped. I wouldn’t be stuck alone with mom the entire time and I’d get to have an entire month with Levi all to myself. And I’d also get to be the person he first sees something outstanding like the ocean with.

* * *

 

“Not bad.”

He wasn’t impressed. Not bad? No, that’s bad. That’s very bad.

Even when I looked at him, he seemed unimpressed. Indifferent. _Bored_.

This huge vastness of water lay right in front of us. The waves were rising and crashing in a constant rhythm and the smell of salt water permeated the air that surrounded us. It stretched out for miles and miles, so far that you couldn’t see what lies on the other side, even after days of traveling. So many creatures lived within it and so many men have lost their lives trying to tame it. It was a magnificent force of power and strength but it also held a serene and calming beauty.

And all he has to say about it is, “Not bad?”

I didn’t mean to repeat the words out loud. I really didn’t.

“It’s water.” He shrugged. “A lot of water.”

I wasn’t going to be able to say anything to make him seem more excited about it. So I didn’t. It just made me disappointed that something I love so much wound up to be something he didn’t really care about either way. At least, that’s how it seemed.

“Well, do you want to swim?” I asked.

He stood there in silence, staring forward and watching the waves rise and fall. I wasn’t really sure if he heard me, but maybe this was just his way of saying no.

“It’s fine if you don’t want—”

“It’s not…” He trailed off. I stood with my own puzzled look on my face and waited to hear what he had to say. His face began to contort a bit, like he was reluctant to say anything to me at all. I was still too young and dense to really see there was something wrong, but he seemed to catch on to that quickly enough. “I’ve never swam before. I don’t know how.”

I was legitimately surprised. Had his parents never taken him to a pool before? How was that even possible?

I guess I never really understood how poor he was.

“I can show you. My mom always tells me that I must be a fish or something.” I smiled at him.

He grimaced. “We’ve got a whole month, right?”

I nodded.

“Can we maybe just stick our feet in the water for a bit and build sandcastles instead? I’ve never gotten to do that before either.” He suggested.

I couldn’t help but feel that maybe he was actually afraid of the water and it threw me completely off guard because this kid has never once shown me any sign of fear. That’s not to say he was blatantly showing fear in this moment either. He had the most spectacular poker face. But I couldn’t think of any other reason why he would be hesitant to go out in the water.

So we built sandcastles. And we had a lot of fun doing it.

In fact, the entire first week it was all about sand. We made castles with motes and castles with designs. I allowed him to bury me in the sand at one point and, being the jerk that he is, he left me stuck outside in it for a while just to screw with me. I actually got mad at him and refused to talk to him for the rest of the evening. My mom told me I was being ridiculous, but she also scolded Levi for leaving me out there because it was a dangerous thing to do.

He got his own room in the beach house. But after that first week of sleeping in my own bed, completely alone, I finally snuck into his room one night.

“Go sleep in your own bed.” He grumbled when I started to sneak under his blanket. He’d already been asleep for a couple of hours and he wasn’t exactly the friendly type when he was woken up.

“It feels empty.” I replied.

“What the hell do you do when I’m not staying over at your house?” Levi asked.

“Sleep…” I replied. “But you’re never gone for more than a day or two.”

He turned around to look at me and we held a gaze for a few seconds. He was the one who finally broke the silence with a simple, “Just go back to sleep, idiot.”

I wanted to kiss him. But I didn’t. I wanted to wrap an arm around him. But I didn’t.

Because there was no way he was gay. And if he was, there was no way he thought of me like that.

* * *

 

Week two… Levi got a sunburn. I mean it was really bad, and I think it was taking everything in his power not to cry. He kept having my mom rub her nails along it to try and soothe the itching, but it never seemed to end. He could hardly move. Eventually my mom went to get some sunburn relief medicine but he was stuck inside for a few days. So I stayed in with him and we played board games and card games. Mom refused to let me bring my video games along.

He still wasn’t sure about swimming and I just got sick of waiting so I finally geared up in my swimming trunks one day and ran in. The waves were big that day, too. My favorite kind. He sat out on the beach under an umbrella with my mom. Seemed like maybe she was teaching him how to crotchet or knit or something. I don’t know. I thought it was a little odd for him to try and pick up something like that but maybe he was just trying to cure boredom.

I enjoyed the feel of the mist hitting my face and the coolness of the water around my body. A couple of waves were a little brutal and rolled me back onto the beach kind of rough but generally they were really fun to ride. I could hear Levi and my mom both yelling at me to be careful. I was being a little shit and I called out to Levi to stop being a pussy and just get in the water. My mom instantly yelled at me and asked where I even learned that kind of language. I just nonchalantly looked over to the thirteen year old boy that was sitting next to her. I wasn’t about to rat him out though.

A few days later, though, finally… He caved.

“But don’t you dare start swimming off without me. I swear to god I will kick your scrawny ass.” He told me.

So threatening. Let me tell you.

We started slow, I took his hands and walked him out into the water until we were about waist level.

“It’s cold.” He commented, straight faced as usual.

“Well, yeah. You have to let your body adjust.” I told him. “I still can’t believe you’ve never been swimming.”

“It’s not my fault I don’t live a perfect life like you do.” He countered.

“Chill out.” I replied. He did this a lot, comparing his life to mine. I understood him being bitter but he didn’t need to take it out on me and I never really appreciated it. But the only thing I could really do was try and change the topic. “Let’s go in a little further.”

Luckily for Levi, the waves were small today. I don’t think I would have let him out here if they were any bigger. I got him to go in until the water was up to his neck, but he kind of freaked out and walked a little closer to the beach until it was only to his chest. It was kind of nice to see him actually afraid of something. Okay, well, maybe not afraid. But he was uneasy and nervous. I showed him how to move his arms to stay afloat and the basics of doggy paddling. I tried to teach him how to do a stroke but he wasn’t as willing to try. Not at least until he was more comfortable being in the water.

We took things little by little, day by day. He got more comfortable each time. It made me feel so happy to know that I was teaching him something – not that I wasn’t used to it since I helped him a lot with his homework. But this was something skillful. Something that he could use later on in life. Something we could enjoy recreationally down the road, when we were dating and in love and—

“Eren! It’s getting late, you boys better get out of the water so we can head back to the house!” My mom shouted out, completely interrupting my fantasy.

“Okay, we’re coming!” I hollered back as I began to head in that direction.

“What were you just thinking about?” Levi asked as he grabbed my arm, stopping me.

“Huh?” I replied. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You were staring at me really weird.” He pointed out.

“I was not.” I chuckled, trying to play it off. “Come on, mom will yell if we don’t hurry.” I said as I grabbed his hand.

I realized I was really starting to love holding his hand, even if it wasn’t in the romantic sense. I loved to touch him in any way that I was allowed to. It made my stomach flutter and my heart do backflips.

I knew I liked him already, but I don’t think I realized how bad this crush was developing.

* * *

 

He came into my room that night. Usually I went to his, it was never the other way around. But tonight, he came. I felt him creep into my bed and under my blanket. I turned around to face him and met his gaze.

“Tell me what’s going through that stupid head of yours.” He said.

“I-It’s nothing!” I insisted, not sounding too sure about that myself. He was going to keep prying until he got it out of me. I just didn’t know how to go about telling him that I might kind of, sort of like him.

“I’m not buying that.” He said, grabbing my wrist and bringing it up for me to see. I could feel my breathing increase a small amount. What was he even doing? “What would you do if I put our hands like this?” He asked, moving his hand up from my wrist into my other hand, intertwining our fingers together. If I thought my breathing was bad before, it definitely was nothing to the way it changed now.

“Levi, what are you…?”

“Do you think it’s gross?” He asked. “Two boys being together?”

I didn’t even need to think about the answer. I already knew I liked boys. “No.” Okay, I really had to know what was going on. “Levi where is this coming from?” Did he… like me?

“My dad says it’s gross. Unnatural. Filthy.” He went on. “And I don’t know why, but whenever he talks about gay people like that it really bothers me. I feel like he’s attacking me.”

“You…” I started. Suddenly it became clear to me. Something I probably should have noticed sooner. “Levi, you’re gay.”

“I’m not.” He snapped, pulling his hand away from mine and curling it into his chest. “It’s wrong and I can’t be.”

Maybe now was the time to tell him. Maybe it wasn’t. Maybe it didn’t matter because my lips moved before I had the mind to stop them.

“Levi, I like you.” My heart started racing. Did I really just confess that? No… No way. Oh, shit, I thought I was so dead.

“No you don’t.” He refuted. “You’re not allowed to like me. You’re a boy.”

“Levi, there’s nothing wrong with—”

“Yes there is!” He cut me off, pulling away from me completely until he was off the bed, standing up again. “Don’t ever say that again, Eren. Don’t ever say you like me ever again, understand? It’s not true.” His words cut through me. I was being rejected. And it hurt. “Don’t ever look at me again the way you were earlier. It makes me uncomfortable.”

I didn’t have any words to say to that. How could I come up with any? All I knew at that moment was that my heart was being ripped out and brutally stomped on over and over with each word that came out of his mouth. And I didn’t do anything. I just sat there and took it.

He didn’t seem to have anything else to say either, because he stormed out of the room. I should have gone after him, but I didn’t. But then again, maybe staying put was the right option. It didn’t matter, because my body wasn’t going to move out of its spot. I simply curled myself up into a little ball and let the tears start rolling down my face. Levi was always a bit brash and sometimes rude but I’d never experienced it this way before.

His dad had planted it in his mind that people like me were not okay. But I knew what was going on, and the more I repeated it in my head, the easier I was able to calm down. He was in the denial phase. He knew it was there. He knew what he is. But he knew his dad wouldn’t approve. So he was in denial.

What I didn’t know was what hurt me more. The fact that he was in denial, or the fact that he was denying me.

Needless to say, we didn’t speak another word to each other during the rest of the trip.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi make up, but it doesn't take much longer before Levi gets some bad news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst relief, and then more angst. 
> 
> Sorry for the long wait. I'm going to try and be a lot more consistent with updating this story because it is one that I really want to tell. But for now, hopefully this will sate the readers? 
> 
> And I appreciate all of the lovely comments. Especially lately they have given me the inspiration I need to finally get a new chapter out. So thank you guys very much! ^.^

_**Levi** _

 

I didn’t hate Eren. I just want that to be known. I didn’t hate him for liking me. I didn’t hate him for what he was. I shouldn’t have freaked out on him.

Because when it came down to it, I was the one having issues. I liked him, and I was struggling with that fact.

I was madder at myself than anything. Sure, my best friend didn’t have a problem with it. That should have been enough. And Eren liked me back, which meant he was gay after all. Or at least that he liked boys. I should have been ecstatic that he reciprocated my feelings. I should have kissed him instead of yell at him.

But when I saw him looking at me with those adoring, loving eyes, I freaked out.

My dad scoffed at the idea that gay people are born that way. The man is a straight up homophobe. And he’s the type of person who thinks that people actually choose to be gay.

Who chooses a life like this? A life where your chances of feeling normal for a long time are slim to none, where people bully you because of who you love or who you’re attracted to, a life where people actually will feel physically threatened and scared for their life because other people are so fucking mean to them? A life where people try to force you to be someone that you are not?

Granted, I hadn’t experienced that yet, and if anyone tried to pull some shit on me, I would have no problem kicking their grimy ass. But even still, I was already beginning to understand the pain of feeling like a pariah of society. Because my dad executed blind hated for gays very well and always right in front of me.

And it _did_ feel like he was attacking me. And it made me hate myself for what I was.

I was supposed to like girls. I was supposed to finish high school, go to college or the military, fall in love with a girl, and give him grandkids. That was what he wanted from me.

Aren’t kids always supposed to make sure their parents are happy with what they’ve done with their lives? I didn’t even know anymore. Why should I abandon who I am and what I want for the sake of someone who, in all honesty, didn’t give a rat’s ass about me enough to even know where I was sneaking off to all the time?

Of course, after my freak out… Well, I didn’t go to Eren’s for most of the summer. When I did, I made sure it was after he was already asleep. On a few occasions, he happened to be staying overnight at Armin’s.

I couldn’t face him. But I also couldn’t cut the Jaegers out of my life completely. The idea hurt me too much. I didn’t want to stop seeing Eren. And I didn’t want to stop seeing Carla either. Both of them have given me so much. They’ve shown me love and understanding, they gave me a safe haven to go to, security, food, clothes… I owed them so much.

And then I had to go and yell at Eren for liking me and trying to let me know that it was okay to be what I am.

I hated myself.

“Sweetie, you’ve got to start talking to Eren again sometime.” Carla said. “He misses you.”

She was sitting next to me on the couch. I had asked her when we were staying at the beach house to teach me how to knit. I missed learning from my own mom and since Carla had basically taken her place in so many ways, I went to her instead. I was currently working on my own project. It was just a simple scarf. I think Carla was working on a sweater or something.

“Ma, is Eren gay?” I asked. Maybe it was a rude question. Maybe it was out of my place to ask. Maybe I shouldn’t have bothered to ask because I already knew the answer to that question, but I wanted to know if she knew.

She smiled and let out a hum, not even bothering to face me. She just kept knitting. I didn’t understand how she was able to approach the subject so calmly. “Well, if he is he hasn’t told me yet.”

“Would you be mad if he was?” I asked, wanting to know what her reaction would be.

She finally stopped knitting and turned to face me. “Of course not. Love is beautiful in all forms. All Grisha and I want for Eren is for him to happy. And to do well in school.” She giggled at her last comment. “Why are you asking, honey?”

I could feel my face flush, and I’m sure she noticed it too. “Would you be mad at me?”

“If you were gay?” Carla replied. “Of course not.”

Tears started to form in my eyes and I’m still not entirely sure why. Maybe it was the idea that someone would be accepting of it. Or maybe it was because I wasn’t lucky enough to have a parent like Carla. Maybe it was because I _was_ lucky enough to have someone like Carla who treated me as if I were her own son.

“What if I liked Eren? Would that bother you?”

“Is that what this is all about?” She chuckled. She set her needles and yarn to the side and scooted over to my side of the couch, pulling me into her chest and wrapping her arms around me in a loving embrace. The kind any mother should be willing to give their child in times if distress.

And that was all it took. I didn’t cry hard, but the tears were rolling down my cheeks, falling into little droplets onto Carla’s dress.

“My dad says it’s wrong.” I started. And the more I talked, the more I started sobbing. I hated myself for crying. Dad always told me real men never cry. “He says is unnatural and disgusting. He thinks people like me deserve to be thrown on an island and starve to death… or that we all deserve to be killed because we’re sick. Like this is some kind of disease or something.”

“Shhh…” Carla cut in, stroking her hand through my hair. I clutched at her clothes, burying my face into her and let out all the emotions I’ve been holding in since my outburst on Eren. She let me cry it out, keeping me close. When I finally started to calm down a bit, she pulled me away, a hand firm on my shoulder and the other under my chin, coaxing me to look up at her, and she looked me straight in the eyes. “Your dad is wrong. Do you understand?”

I sniffled and nodded, even though I wasn’t sure if she was right. I wanted to believe that she was right.

“Levi, don’t ever feel like you are in the wrong for being who you are,” She continued. “Even if your dad ends up hating your for it, that doesn’t matter. You still have plenty of people who care about you. Grisha and I both love you very much. Eren loves you. You should never prioritize your dad’s happiness over your own if it means throwing away who you are. If he can’t accept you for it, he’s not worthy of your consideration.”

“So you wouldn’t hate me even if I liked Eren?” I asked. I had to know if that would change anything.

She just smiled. “Well, I can’t adopt you. Having you as a son-in-law is basically the next best thing.”

I couldn’t help but let out a laugh at that. She’d expressed wanting to adopt me a few times before. I couldn’t believe how much she cared about me.

She clasped her hands together. “Oh, and you guys can have a big wedding and adopt me a grandchild and—”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself.” I chuckled. “We’re not even in high school yet.”

She tittered at my comment and put her simple, warm smile back on. “I’m not going to ask what happened between you guys, but you should make up. I don’t know who’s at fault for whatever disagreement you’re having, but if you never come to see him, you’re never going to get things cleared up.” She advised. “And maybe this is selfish but I really miss our family time together. So for my sake at least, please go make up with him.” Her last statement was meant to be a joke, but I’m sure she was at least half serious.

I smiled at her. “Okay, ma.”

I went up to Eren’s room not too long after. He was staying at Armin’s for the weekend so I didn’t have to worry about him coming home. I opened one of his dresser drawers to pull out a pair of pants. He was starting to get taller than me somehow. But we were still pretty similar in height. So I put them on and made my way to his bed.

I wrapped myself up in his blanket, taking in the scent that was so unmistakably his, and my stomach sank. “Sorry… Eren…” I murmured.

It wasn’t much longer before I fell asleep.

* * *

 

“Levi?”

My eyes opened slowly. I felt disoriented, despite the fact that I had gotten several hours of sleep. Hearing that voice, while so familiar, had started to become foreign to me. But it was unmistakably his voice.

“Why are you here?” I couldn’t remember the last time he actually had to ask me such a stupid question.

I sat up, kept his blanket wrapped tight around me and crossed my legs underneath it. “Have I ever needed to explain myself before?” I asked, trying to keep the usual indifferent tone in my voice I always had. But it faltered.

“I’m mad at you.” Eren said with a sternness I don’t think I’d ever heard before. The words hurt. But I couldn’t expect anything else. Not after what I did.

“Eren… I didn’t want to—”

“I don’t care if you don’t want to be anything more than friends, Levi.” Eren interrupted. There was a pain in his eyes. One I hadn’t seen before, and one I never wanted to see again. “But you can’t just stop talking to me. I want you to be my friend. I want us to be close, like we have been for the last year.”

I’d argue we didn’t get close for a good _half_ a year. But maybe I didn’t want to admit to myself just how quickly this spoiled brat grew on me. How quickly his bright smile or his sea-green eyes pulled me in. How quickly his welcoming home became my own and how quickly I found myself wanting nothing more than…

“Don’t you think we’re too young to go out anyway? You’re fucking twelve, Eren. I’m thirteen. It’s not even going out at this age, it’s puppy love or whatever.” Sometimes I wanted to believe I was mature for my age, and by recognizing that so-called “dating” wasn’t really something middle schoolers partake in, I felt that I was. It was more like hanging out at each other’s houses on the weekends and spending their evenings on the phone together, twirling your finger around the phone cord until your parents told you it was time to go to bed. The privilege was maybe sharing a peck or two on the lips when you managed to get a private moment together. It wasn’t “dating” at all. It was some watered down childish version of an adult game. And even though I liked Eren, I didn’t want to ruin things by attempting to play that watered down dating game before we even had a chance to try out the real deal.

Although, now that the cat was out of the bag for both of us, could we really call each other “just friends”?

“So you do admit you want to go out with me.” Eren replied, leaving no room for argument.

I huffed, and opened my arms (and the blanket in the process). “No. Right now I want you to come here and get in the fucking blanket with me and lay down.”

“No.”

I quirked an eyebrow. I knew this kid was stubborn, but come on.

I dropped my arms, withdrawing back into the blanket. “Whatever. What time is it anyway? Weren’t you at Armin’s?” I had to admit, I was a little bitter he didn’t come crawl in with me immediately. But he never was one to just bend to someone else’s will, even if it was mine. That was something I learned about him early on. It was actually when he was having an argument with his mom. She was such a kind woman but when it came down to it, she was just as hard headed as I have learned Eren to be. And their arguments, while entertaining for me to listen to, got pretty ugly from time to time. I could only imagine how much worse they’d get as Eren grew older.

“He had plans with Mikasa today.”

“I thought she was your friend too.”

“She is.” Eren replied. “But Armin kind of… likes her. So I wanted to leave them alone for the day. So I came home early.”

“How considerate.” I deadpanned. Sure. Give Armin what he wants, but not me.

Wait, when did I start thinking such selfish things anyway?

“Why are you even here?” Eren asked, getting back to the original topic.

Like it was even a fucking intelligent question. Why else would I be here? “Because I fucking miss you, Eren.”

The flush hit my cheeks before I could stop it, and I had to look away. Normally I’m not a person who just admits to these kinds of things. So yeah, I was a little embarrassed.

“Mom told me you still come over.” Eren stated. And I instantly looked back to him, my blushing getting even darker. Of course she’d tell Eren that. Of fucking course. “Is it that hard for you to just say that you’re sorry?”

It was. I didn’t like admitting that I had done something wrong or hurtful. Especially not to Eren. And even though I knew that was my cue to say those words, I didn’t. Instead, I just plopped back down on the bed, turned to face away from Eren and hid my head under the covers.

I was still such a fucking child. And I had way too much pride even though there had never been any reason for me to have any at all. My life was garbage, and so was I.

But that didn’t stop Eren from giving an exasperated sigh and walking over to the bed. And it wasn’t much longer before I felt his body crawl over mine to get to the other side. He forced his way under the blanket, looked me dead in the eyes as he took my left arm to wrap around his waist. He didn’t smile, but he shook his head and buried it in my chest, wrapping his right arm around me.

“What am I going to do with you?” He mumbled.

I think it was a rhetorical question, but I took the bait anyway. “If I were you I’d probably punch me in the face.” My comment ripped a laugh out of him, and it helped me feel better. I could still make him laugh even when he was mad at me.

He pulled his head away from my chest and looked up to me, a smile finally stretching across his features. He took his hand and ran it through my hair, stopping to rub against the soft fuzz of my undercut. It felt good. But when I noticed that he was starting to move in closer to my face, that’s when I realized that he wanted to make up by sharing our first kiss. But, I…

“Eren, stop.”

And he did. Good to know he listens to me sometimes.

“You don’t want to?” He asked. His brows were furrowed, and he looked genuinely confused.

How did I even explain this to him?

“I… do. Just… Not yet? I’m just still trying to…”

“Figure out what you really are, right?” Eren finished the sentence for me. Well, sort of. That wasn’t exactly what I was going for, but he got the general gist of what I was planning on saying. I knew what I was. I was gay. I liked boys. Someday I was probably going to take a dick up my ass and I was probably going to like it a lot.

I just wasn’t at terms with it yet. And I didn’t want to hesitate. Not with Eren. I didn’t want to kiss him until I was sure it was what I wanted. And I didn’t want our first kiss to be something that was a means to make up after an argument, because then that would be how we resolved everything. We’d kiss, move on to making out. And eventually someday it would be make up sex. Instead of just talking about the problem, we would resort to things like that. And I didn’t want that for our relationship. That’s what my parents… Well, what they used to do. And their relationship was nothing but bullshit now.

I closed my eyes and snorted at the thought. Sure, Eren and I were close now. But it was foolish to bet on things like forever. We’d grow to be in our twenties and eventually become nothing more than fond memories for each other. That’s just how life was, right?

“It’s fine, Levi. I can wait.”

I pulled him closer. My silent way of telling him “thank you.”

* * *

 

Sometimes, I guess good things weren’t meant to last. And Eren... No, the Jaeger family… Well, they were always too good to be true. I should have known something would eventually disrupt my ability to go see them as often as I did.

“A divorce!?” Farlan asked, raising his voice from the usual calm he always possessed.

I actually hadn’t told Eren yet. I didn’t have the heart too. But to be honest, it tore me up just as bad to bring it up to Farlan. He’d been my best friend for so long. Way longer than I’ve ever known Eren. And even though I wasn’t romantically interested in Farlan, it hurt just as much.

“My mom filed a couple of weeks ago I guess.” I explained. “The process is going to take a while, but when my dad talked with me about it, he said I would most likely end up in his custody.”

It’d been about six months now since summer ended. It was winter, it was cold. I was fourteen now and in less than a year I’d be moving onto high school. Maybe this was the best time for it, since I was going to have to leave Eren behind anyway.

My dad had finally managed to land himself a much better job than the contracting one he had before. It was some labor job, and he worked long hours. But the pay and the benefits were better, and because he was part of a union, that did give him some semblance of job security now.

My mom, on the other hand, had been job hopping quite a bit the last few months. She had gotten fired from her fast food job for spitting in a customer’s face. She moved on to a waitress job and lost that for punching out a customer that had been trying to touch her inappropriately. She moved onto a retail job where she just decided to quit because she refused to work on Black Friday.

To be honest, I don’t think this woman is the same one I cherished so much as a child. And even though I didn’t like my dad either, maybe it was best for me to be with him instead. So I wasn’t about to argue with that.

The problem was that he was trying to find a place to live on the opposite side of town. Which meant it would become next to impossible to see Eren whenever I wanted. At least not until I got a license and a car. But that was still two years away.

I wouldn’t really be able to see Farlan much either.

“Well, I’m going to get my drivers permit soon. So once I learn how to handle the car, I can just come get you and we can hang out.” Farlan said with a smile.

“Farlan, that’s illegal as fuck.” I replied immediately. “You can’t even get your license for another two years.”

He laughed. “My mom’s been dating. She’s never home. She wouldn’t even notice.”

I knew she was gone quite a bit but I’m sure that if she came home at eight o’clock after a date she’d notice that the old-ass Buick she bought Farlan was missing. It’s not like she ever stayed out too late. After all, she was a God-fearing woman who took things slow and kept on the purity act as long as possible. I can’t recall her ever coming home from a date night any later than nine. But then I also was only around on Friday and Saturday nights most of the time. Her school night rule still held strong.

I just sighed. “What’s that redhead been doing to you anyway? You used to be all about following the rules.”

Farlan chuckled. “I got her a necklace she really wanted the other day.”

They weren’t doing that thing I called watered-down dating yet, but they were definitely showing signs of wanting to, and I knew they would be eventually. But I didn’t know Farlan had money to spend on her.

Wait… Did he have money?

I stared at him, a silent gesture for him to go on with his story. He caught on quickly enough.

“We were at the mall, and she saw this really cute necklace inside of that Claire’s shop. I felt like a sissy being in there with her, but she really wanted the necklace. So… when no one was looking I just kind of… popped the tag off and slipped it into my pocket.”

The smile on his face was worrisome, to be frank. He had just admitted to stealing and he looked damn proud of it.

Maybe it felt good to steal?

“When I gave it to her, she made out with me.”

I knew they’d kissed already but Farlan had yet to tell me they had kissed, well… like _that_. It was probably why he seemed so proud of stealing it, because he got a reward for it.

“She actually was about to take my pants off but then my mom came home, so we had to stop.”

“Farlan, aren’t you too young for that!?” I shot back immediately. He laughed. Maybe it was just because I was taking things so slow with Eren (we still hadn’t kissed yet, maybe held hands at the most but not in the way where you intertwine your fingers), or maybe I just hadn’t realized that people our age were starting to fool around like that. But I just found it hard to believe that Farlan almost managed to reach third base with Isabel.

And all he had to do was steal a necklace? Hah. Eren would chop my head clean off if I ever did such a thing.

“So, uh… Have you told Eren you’re probably going to be moving to the other side of town soon?” As much as I’m sure Farlan wanted to brag about how he almost got a hand job or something, I was thankful that he was usually so in tune with my feelings, and chose to get back to the topic of what’s bothering me.

I looked down and started fiddling around with my fingers. “No. Not yet.” I murmured. How was I supposed to? It was going to break his heart. I didn’t want to be responsible for his pain again. And it wasn't that we'd never see each other again. But knowing that I wouldn't get to see him every day - or even every week - was already starting to slowly kill me.

What I didn’t realize at the time was that waiting until just before I moved away with my dad to tell Eren was probably going to be one of the hugest mistakes I made in my short life. And like always, all I ever had to give him was some lame ass mixtape. And all I could do was hand the disc over as I saw the tears forming in his eyes. And seeing him cry hurt worse than anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can listen to Levi's mixtape here:   
> http://8tracks.com/bubblebeams/levi-s-2nd-mixtape
> 
> One of the songs on this mixtape is actually going to be very important later in the fic. :3


End file.
